The Birth of The Patterson Avenue Models Collective

The heat is on ("....Its on the streets") now. Care Bear came up today and turned on the thermostat (it is located in our apartment) and fired up the boiler. Only one of our three radiators is currently working though. I am sure that the other 2 will start soon though. The heat is not suppossed to be on for another 2 weeks but it is fucking cold and I am glad that it is on now.

Not too much else going on. We watched Blood Simple (the Coen brothers first film) tonight. It was good. Not as good as the rest but definitely an excellent first effort. Kim and I are hopefully going to be getting a dog this week. For details please go here.

I have decided that I am going to become a model. Each day I intend to describe what I am wearing and the reasons why I am fabulous Paris model. Today I am wearing jeans (Rustler---$13.98 from Wal-Mart), a black v-neck sweater (vintage---$5), under the sweater a Metallica Master of Puppets T-shirt ($8 The Original Record Exchange DC Store [not London]), a canvas camoflauge belt ($4 from Corky's Fredericksburg [not Paris]), white ankle socks (Hanes---$6 for a pack of 6 pairs from Wal-Mart), and Chuck Taylor All-Stars High Tops (Converse---$23 from the Converse Factory Outlet Falls Church [not the less popular Milan location]). In this outfit I look fabulous. If you saw me walking down the street you would see that I exude model-like qualities, you might not be able to contol yourself. You would want to touch me. You would want to feel the flesh of a real life model. If you see me do not approach, stay far away, to be close to something this sexy could kill you or at the very least certainly blind you. Stand back, "Bo Jean-Paul-Cletus La Papillon" (my new model name.) is coming. My name is Kim's idea, she is also a model. Do not speak to her or the sound of her melodious model-esque voice could rupture your eardrums. Kim's model name is Sonia-Joleen-Chablis La Parapluie. She is next to me doing what all models do, eating Toffutti Chocolate Supreme and drinking hot cider. This was the favorite meal of both Cindy Crawford and Stephanie Seymour (who is Sonia-Joleen-Chablis La Parapluie's idol). My idols should you ask, though you are not worthy of knowing, are Marky-Mark and Fabio. I too will one day grace the covers of romance novels. Good Night from the Patterson Avenue Models Collective. We must go be sexier than you can ever possibly hope to be.

In my continuing desire to post even the most minute details of my existence, here is what I did yesterday. We went to Williamsburg because my Mom told me about this new thrift store that opened wher everything is $.96 or less. I got a Transformers lunchbox thermos for $.45. It is sweet (circa 1984) and then we pretty much screwed around. I got a nice maroon v-neck sweater at another thrift store and some nice Hush Puppies shoes. This is a really boring post. I hope you are bored too. Kim is taking a bath and the apertment is fucking cold. Heat is included with our rent but they don't turn it on until 10/15. Kind of sucks. Maybe I will have something important to say later but I doubt it.


It is Saturday morning. I have realized that tonight is Saturday night. Since I have my new wardrobe consisting of my "COCKS" hat, my Phish T-Shirt amd my J Crew Khakis, I will also need to find some new weekend activities. Tonight you will be able to find me at the local sports bar talking to a girl with bleach blonde hair and skin tight black pants (she looks like every other girl in the place). I will be drinking "Sammy" after "Sammy" until I can barely hold a conversation with the girl I am with. We will then leave together and head back to my place. I will tell all my friends that we had sex. In reality she will have gone home after watching me vommit all over myself and pass out. Fortunately I wake up in time to head over to my friend's house to drink 10 shots of Jaegermeister with my frat-brothers. At the end of the night we all express our repressed homosexual feelings for one another. We all pass out holding one another and wishing that the world was more accepting to our lifestyle. Tommorrow when we wake up we will have forgetten all of it.

Unfortunately my actual happy existence is being replaced by the above stated miserable existence. That's the price you pay for fitting in. I hope that all of you learn how to fit in soon. Enjoy your weekend.


I just go down to the record store to pick up a copy of the new Punchline. Punchline is Richmond’s answer to the DC "City Paper", if of course the City Paper was run by a bunch of Punks. In this weekly magazine there is a “Scenester” section where the top shows for the coming week are listed. I had myself a good chuckle at what I located herein. Vanilla Ice is going to be playing on 10/4. Opening up is a band known as St. Diablo. St. Diablo is a metal band based out of Fredericksburg, VA. I have seen these guys play before and they are actually pretty good. Anyway, I still can’t help but think VANILLA ICE? I know he’s got that whole Hip-Hop-Core thing going on now but still. Is this really a good career move?
Nothing going on here. Please go to Corey's site to check out my new hat.

These are some things I love:
1. I love the Outer Banks.
2. I love the South Carolina "COCKS".
3. I love Khaki.
4. I love J CRew.
5. I love The Gap.
6. I love Abercrombie and Fitch.
7. I love SUVs.
8. I love referring to alcoholic beverages by using slang phrases. An example: "Yo' Dude, toss me another "Sammy" (short for Sam Adams of course).
9. I love jeeps with a removable top.
10. I love Frat-Parties.
11. I love Phish.
12. I love The Dave Matthews Band.
13. I love "Co-Ed Naked" T-Shirts.

You get the idea.

Check out Alex's Blog, for some great insight into corporate America.


You want to get strange looks? Here is a sure-fire way: go to your local grocery store and purchase a 12 pack of PBR, Franco-American Mushroom Gravy and Vegetarian Re-Fried Beans. The checkout clerks and other shoppers look at you like you are insane.

Another great combinatiion is K-Y Jelly, Cedar Chips, an economy size box of Lifestyles condoms, and anything else. Boy does this combo turn heads. Go to Wal-Mart at 2 AM and have some fun. I have before, and certainly will again.
Hello everyone. I have been drinking PBR, so please bear with me. I just came in from sitting on my balcony and drinking. It was a very nice experience. Fall is definitely my favorite season, and it is a beautiful Fall evening outside. So I am sitting out there and these 2 college girls come out of the building next to mine. So as I watch them cross the street I see them get into some cutsie car and notice that there is an ovular sticker on the back. I notice that the sticker is white and says FAN on it, a reference to the Fan District of Richmond, where we live. Now I have nothing to say to these girls (even if I was single) and having this sticker on the back of the car immediately made me think----JACKASS. Why are people such amazing clones of one another? As if the OBX stickers are not bad enough, someone had to begin making them for every other place in the world too. I have decided I am going to make my own stickers. They are going to say ASS, and underneath it in small print it will say: “The driver is a JACKASS for buying this.” Unfortunately I don’t think I will sell too many. I should probably state the after a few drinks typing is extremely difficult (Thank God for spell-check.), I am also having a hard time working the mouse. Perhaps I will go and surf the web now. Goodnight everyone.

Check this out. I think that Richmond should also have it's own slogan to attract tourists. The following is a list of possible slogans for Richmond:

1. "Our Murder Rate Has Dropped Some."
2. "On Average Only 4 out of 10 tourists are assaulted annually."
3. "Avail Lives Here And That's Good Enough For Us."
4. "Church Hill: Its not SouthEast DC But Its Close."
5. "We Have almost Completely Stopped The Lynchings."
6. "You May Remember Us As The Capitol Of The Confederacy, Now We're Just A Bunch Of Inbred Hicks."
7. "You Like SUV's, Well We've got SUV's."
8. "We all Vacation In The Outer Banks of N.C. Here."
9. "We're Almost a Real City. We Swear."
10. "We've Almost Mastered this whole 'Urban Sprawl' thing. Charlottesville, Here We Come."

I'm getting kind of sick of Richmond. Can you tell?
I am in the process of preparing this kick-ass vegan soup for dinner tonight. It is called “Curried Lentil and Sweet Potato Fuck A Bitch Stew”. It will be damn yummy. The lentils be soaking in dems juices as we be speakin’. Dawg.

Anyhoo, so the MSN servers are down which also means that the Hotmail servers are down. No one send me any viruses until those servers are back up. If you do I may never receive them and my computer will have to go about the process of crashing all by itself. I know Hotmail is free, but I am still kind of pissed right now. I have been doing a lot of thinking about things that make me mad today and this post will essentially be about one of the main things that makes me mad. The “thing” in question involves the current state of “Independent” Music today. The topic is:

What the hell does “EMO” mean?

A little background; EMO is actually short for Emotional Hardcore or Emotive. This refers to music that is powerful and has emotional substance. “EMO” as I think of it, began in the summer of 1986 in Washington, DC. That summer was known within the scene as “Revolution Summer”. Two of the most important EMO bands ever formed during this period. Those two bands were Embrace (featuring Ian Mackye) and Rites of Spring (featuring Guy Piccioto and Brendan Canty). The 3 members listed went on to form Fugazi along with Joe Lally. Rites of Spring is truly the birthplace of emo. Extremely emotional lyrics set to hard-core music, thus “Emotional Hardcore” or “EMO” for short. Now Fugazi was certainly an EMO band at the beginning of their career, however as time has passed they have certainly evolved into something much more complex. My problem is that nowadays every band in the world can seemingly be classified as “EMO”. This is ridiculous.

Bands like Jets to Brazil, The Get Up Kids, and The Promise Ring are all classified as EMO. Do any of these bands incorporate Hard-core music into theirs? No, they do not. While I enjoy the music of all three of these bands they are in essence pop-bands whose music is released through independent labels. Tons of bands emulate The Get-Up Kids and sing about that girl that broke their heart in eight grade and never gave back their favorite sweater and Boo-Fuckin’-Hoo. Now I realize that “Pop/Rock” songs have been about loss for as long as the genre has been in existence, please do not misunderstand what I am saying, love and loss is an important part of all music. To clarify, I feel that the genre of “EMO” in its current state is ridiculous. All of these bands that play music with loud distorted parts and quieter clean parts and the lyrics are all about pain and loneliness etc… What is the point? Don’t they want to be different? I have seen literally hundreds of bands who use this formula. You know what everyone calls their music? Formulaic. Labels go out of their way to sign bands that sound like other bands who have already gained a substantial following. Everyone is looking for the next Texas is the Reason. How fucking boring.

Now you find a band whose record you really like, and you want to go see them live. What should you expect? A bunch of fucking clones at the show. Backpacks and courier bags everywhere. Horn-rimmed glasses (some of them not even prescription, but solely for fashion). Tight T-shirts. Vintage jeans. Vintage shoes. Pins on everything (bags, shirts, hats etc…). The worst of all is that most of these people do not even care about the bands playing, they often do not even face the stage they have their backs turned talking to their friends. They are there to be “seen” and feel cool. These people kind of make me sick. They all have huge fucking attitudes and really think they are special—in reality they are a joke. They are a joke to the people who are there because they love the music, their true “peers”. It is all pretty stale at this point. Shouldn’t you all be about ready to go back to listening to Dave Matthews and drinking lots of beer? I hope the novelty wears off for you jack-asses soon. I would really like to start going to shows again.
My Baby's Blog kicks ace.
What I learned today:

1. The "Behind the Scenes Featurette" on the Mystery Alaska DVD is actually 4 minutes and 30 seconds long. It is also boring as hell.

2. The David Spade commentary on the Joe Dirt DVD consists mainly of him stating which scenes of his he likes and why he likes them. He also comments on which girls he finds attractive, which is basically of all of them. Nothing really interesting is said and there are often periods of upwards of 30 seconds where he says nothing at all and you are left to basically watch the movie. What I am saying is you should not bother watching this commentary.

3. Our cat is one of the luckiest creatures on the planet. She has no restrictions whatsoever; she can sleep where she wants and when she wants, she gets as much food as she wants, she receives constant attention and on and on.

4. That Alkaline Trio disc I bought the other day is excellent.

5. I am bored as hell.

6. Numbered lists are annoying to read and compose.


I made kind of a Stroganof thing for dinner using pasta and mushroom gravy. It was damn yummy. Kim and I just watched that movie Mystery Alaska. Russell Crowe is always good and I would like to say that Burt Reynolds was excellent. I happen to be quite the fan of Mr. Reynolds anyway. Even though he wears a toupee, I still enjoy his work. The only question I have is why would you continue to wear a hairpiece when everyone knows it is a hairpiece? Bald is beautiful just ask my Dad.
You know I have been listening to Snapcase's "Progression Through Unlearning" since it came out. I just noticed that the sample at the end is from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. What the hell? I mean a Pee-Wee Herman sample. Christ. Why did it take me so long to realize this? I still think the album is awesome but I am kind of upset at their choice of sample. Though I will give credit where it is due, and Paul Ruebens is great in "Blow". Pee-Wee as a gay hair-dresser--can you really go wrong with that?
Joe Dirt was pretty damn funny. Christopher Walken is in the film. He tap dances. That is all I have to say regarding a reason to go see it. In addition I felt that the soundtrack kicked ace. I think that living in Richmond has really gotten to me. That classic rock sounds better and better as the days go by. Does anyone else think that the first "Boston" album is fucking awesome?

Why does no one call me about a job? I got something for those fuckers. They're going to get what's coming to them. I'll teach them to fuck with me. They want it well they got it. It's comin' you fuckers. I'm not going to take it anymore you fucks. I'll give you what you want, 'cause you clearly want an ace kickin'. I'm on my way bastards. You better run. You won't get away with this. You can't ignore me. You can try, but it won't work. I am inside your heads. Problems? No, I don't have any problems. But you've got one. Me Motherfucker.

Off to do the laundry.
Do I look like a "Kent" to you?

I walked over to Blockbuster to return Memento and rent some movies. I rented Blood Simple and Joe Dirt. I am walking home in a good mood, looking forward to watching David Spade made a jackass out of himself and notice the mailman is in my building. Cool I think. He is walking out the door as I am walking in and we exchange pleasantries. I pick up the mail and walk upstairs.

There is a letter from The Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles by way of DC. Strange I think. On August 13th I got a parking ticket in Georgetown for parking facing the wrong way in a parking spot near the canal. I am guilty, though I disagree with the policy, and write a check and mail it. Case closed- I think. Well the letter is actually from DC, and says that I now owe $40. $20 for the parking ticket and a $20 penalty, the letter is dated 9/21. I turn on my computer and find out that the check cleared my bank on 9/11-it was due on 9/13. I am cool in terms of liability for the added penalty but pissed since I am in the right. I call the number on the letter and finally get a Customer Service agent on the phone who proceeds to treat me like absolute shit. When I interrupt her to state my case she counters with “Are you going to let me finish?!!!!” I was about to fucking lose it but kept in control. I ask is there anything else that they can do in their office. She says no. I have to get a copy of the cancelled check and send it in with the letter. They will then respond to me by mail (i.e. don’t call back). Her office is “just a customer service call center”. Funny I thought “Customer Service” meant providing service not attitude. This is really fucked up I think as I leave to go to the bank to request a copy of the cancelled check. Get to the bank and find out it will cost me $5 for the cancelled check. Now I have paid the ticket, I have paid to call the toll charge to call the “Customer Service” number, and am now paying to get a copy of the cancelled check.

As an added bonus, they have already turned me into the state of VA, I have to be careful as I can technically be arrested for my outstanding parking ticket in DC, which has already been paid. Can any company or government office get anything right? Some advice to everyone---keep records of everything, you will probably need them eventually. I fucking hated living near DC and boy do I hate that fucking town right now.

Check this out: I was home 30 seconds when there was a knock at the door. I open the door and it is a cop. I had not yet read the letter or I would have been frightened. He was looking for the previous tennant, I think he had a summons. I explained that he no longer lived there etc... The cop was really nice to me once he realized I was not Kent Graham. I should have looked at him and said:"DO I LOOK LIKE A KENT TO YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!"

I am going to go shower now. Perhaps I will apply my astounding variety of creams and ointments as a way of making myself feel better. I will then put on my makeup, some lingerie and I will sit on the couch eating vegan bon-bons while wearing my kimono.


Went out to Soundhole and sold some old CDs. I bought the latest Alkaline Trio disc and Dexter Gordon’s Ballads compilation. Soundhole is getting rid of all their jazz and the whole section is $4 off the marked price. Good deals, but a very small section.

Up next was the Library. Returned one book and took out 2 more. Tonight we are going to Costco and Wal-Mart. Hopefully the West End will not be too busy on a Tuesday night. Probably not. It has gotten to the point where the roads in Richmond are always packed. 2 in the afternoon 7 at night, it doesn’t matter.

A funny story:

Three friends of mine in college used to live in a house on Pelham St. in Fredericksburg. The houses in this part of town were extremely close to a canal and as a result the water level was very high. None of the houses in this area had a basement (this will be important later). One night in early fall we were out on their front porch hanging out. All their neighbors were redneck-as-hell. Two of the male of the redneck species decide to come out and hang out with us college kids. They begin telling a story of these two gay guys who at one time lived further up the street. They claimed that the gay couple kept a full-grown pig in their basement. They hinted that the pig was used for sexual purposes but would not say this was their opinion directly. I played dumb asking questions like “Why do they have a pig?” and they continually answered emphatically “You don’t understand, they have a pig in their basement!”. “What is the pig there for?”, answer: “You don’t understand, they have a pig in their basement?” Finally I acted as though I understood saying something like: ”You mean they fuck the pig!” answer: ”YES!!!”. They seemed amazed that a college boy like me had such a difficult time understanding that all homosexuals also practice bestiality. Silly me. Finally either they tired of us or we tired of them. I don’t remember which but they left and went back to their house 2 doors away and I came away with the knowledge that these 2 jack-asses were completely convinced that 2 gay men in their neighborhood, were having intercourse with a pig in a basement that could not possibly exist. The flaws in an idiots’ thinking can sometimes be astounding.
Couldn't fall asleep last night. It really kind of sucked. Fortunately I don't have anything to do, at all, ever it seems like, so I can sleep as late as I want. Watched that movie "Memento" last night. Kim and I both really liked it, though we found it to be extremely difficult to follow. Of course I realize that was the point of constructing the film in that particular way. I think I will watch it again in hopes of understanding it a bit better. For those who have not already seen it, be prepared to be confused. Not much else going on. Going to the library later. Right now I am going to eat and have some coffee.

I really do try to avoid posts such as this. I promise. Incredibly boring posts are not much fun to read. When I was working I had so much added stimulation and topics to choose from where as now I have sadly been reduced to describing my surroundings and the most minute details of my existence. Soon I will have a job again and then with a little luck my posts will come back up to par. I will think of a good story to tell later in hopes of making up for it.


Just discovered that Luscious Lex is up and running with his Blog. Great name too, but I guess you will have to go there to find out the name won't ya?

In addition who the hell are jg3000 and thornco?
Walked over to The Video Fan. Probably the best video rental place in the city. The place is small but 2 stories with a room devoted to each genre of film i.e. a cult room, a horror room, a comedy room etc…. They had tons of good stuff but I really was not interested in renting anything. More like just something to do. I then decided to go to the thrift store. I got this really sweet pair of vintage 1970’s Puma sneakers for $15. In really nice shape thus the price. They are maroon suede. I know suede is not vegan but hey when the article of clothing is used and 20 years old, I really don’t think it matters.

While I was in line there were these 2 Mexican dudes one in each checkout lane. Each guy had a shopping cart filled with sneakers. It took me forever to figure out that they must be sending them back home—most of them were women’s shoes in a variety of sizes. The one guy was in front of me and was looking at me like I was crazy for buying these old ass 1970’s shoes, of course he was buying a ton of Avia styles (Circa 1986-1988). Admittedly, I was looking at him like he was kind of crazy myself. Neither of us saw anything wrong with our purchases and both of us seemed quite happy, in retrospect it was obvious that everyone around us thought we were both crazy. I think that the observers were probably correct on both accounts. Some middle-class white kid buying shoes that went of style in normal circles around the year he was born, and 2 Hispanic guys with 2 shopping carts literally overflowing with old sneakers. Most of the sneakers were in fact Avia now that I think about it. I think I know where Avia needs to throw some of those advertising dollars.
So I am sitting here and a train is going by. I listen for about 10 seconds and realize that there are no train tracks anywhere around here (as in miles and miles). I look out the window only to see this really fucked up,slow moving truck going down a side street. When you live in the city you blame everything on your surroundings. We could have an earthquake and I would think it was a delivery truck going by. What a strange day.

In other strange news. I have not made a deposit to my bank account in weeks. There is $600 more in my account than there should be. I am not complaining.
You know how I know that fall is about to arrive? Is it the changing of the leaves? Is it the cooler temperatures? The quieter streets now that the children are back in school? Well all those are valid contributing observations related to Fall's arrival, however I know it is fall because I have been listening to Morrissey and The Smiths. When the weather is warm in Spring and Summer, I have virtually no use for my favorite effeminate / hypochondriac / lovesick / chronic depressive. As soon as Fall begins, I can't get enough. I want to hear that poor-washed up-careerless bastard whining constantly. It is cloudy and depressing here in Richmond. I woke up, had a bagel and some coffee, then I went straight for "The Queen is Dead" followed by "Vauxhall and I". Oh how I love that poor depressed Mancudlian (A Mancudlian is an individual hailing from Manchester, England.). Thank you Morrissey for being my own personal fall theme music.

In other news I have discovered my favorite part of unemployment: I don't really have to wear clothes. I can sit around in my underwear or completely naked if I choose to do so. No one is here. No one cares, least of all me. I am only wearing boxers right now. Clothes are a necessity in the working world but for the unemployed, clothes don't mean shit.

Oh yeah, Hey Mercedes has started their top 100 cover song countdown. Check it out. They have recorded, or will record 100 cover songs between now and the end of the year. Yesterday's was great.


When I was a kid on Long Island, many Sundays my Mom and I used to go to the Roosevelt Raceway Fleamarket. Roosevelt Raceway is a horse racing track. They turn their whole parking lot into a flea market, not like a big garage sale but new merchandise sold by some pretty shady characters. Much of the stuff seems as though a truck was just hijacked and the cops are on their way. This was always one of my favorite activiities on a Sunday. Back then I was forced to go to church and we would drive out to the Fleamarket afterwords. Nowadays I find Sundays very dissappointing and depressing. If I actually had a job I would be going back to work tommorrow, but I don't--Kim has to go to work tommorrow though which means its back to sitting on my ass alone all fucking day long. Unfortunately I get bored pretty damn easily. Sundays have depressed me ever since college. In college it always seemed that Sunday meant back to studying, all my friends seem to be doing other things, the dining hall food was always at its worst etc... Today is in fact Sunday I am a bit depressed--I hope you are doing better. Godspeed.


All day long in Fred. and the only purchase I made is a VHS copy of Cannonball Run for $4, the pawn shop also had a bunch of horror films that I thought about but then decided against--one was actually Re-Animator (OOP), but I already dubbed a copy and figure it will come out on DVD sometime anyway. We ate lunch at Shoppers Food Warehouse. They have a nice cheap salad bar. Tried the Nantucket Nectars Apple Juice which is excellent. Corey is always talking about that Red Bull beverage. So I bought a few --we also intend to try it tonight with vodka in it. ; ) It is damn yummy and made me feel great. Does anyone know where to purchase this beverage in bulk? Shoppers... also had 6 packs of Pete's Wicked Ale on sale for $4.08. I could not resist. Drinking Mountain Dew, Kim's eating popcorn. Hair-rock filtering in through the window. I must declare I am truly Livin' La Vida Loca. Note: I was in the bathroom when this picture was taken.
Today Kim and I are going up to Fredericksburg. The main reason is that they used to sell our vitamins up there for half the price they sell them for in Richmond. Fredericksburg is also a good place for CD finds at pawn shops. Perhaps a good day of shopping will cheer me up. Enjoy your weekend everyone.


"New Kitty" had to go back outside. "New kitty" violent towards current kitty. "New kitty" someone else's "New Kitty" now. Sad but necessary. Drinking to forget the pain. Pete's Strawberry Blonde. Helf drunk. Soon to be full drunk. Kim needs the computer to finish a work project now.

Au revoir.

So two nights ago this very very cute cat comes running up to Kim and I in our parking lot. We figured she was a stray but we wanted to make sure. We agreed that if she was still hanging around on Saturday we would take her to the vet etc... So today Fred, my neighbor, was feeding her. We both agreed that she is a stray and that Kim and I should take her in. Well needless to say she is asleep next to me. I gave her some food (as did Fred) and she ate a lot. I do not know when that last time she ate was-the way she was eating it seemed like a while. :(. For safety's sake we have to keep her seperated from Daquiri until we find out that she does not have Feline Leukemia or Feline Aids. Petsmart has a Vet clinic tommorrow and we are taking her there. If she checks out she will be getting spayed and declawed on Monday. She looks to be about 6-8 months old, black with an adorable white stripe on her nose, very very friendly. I pray that she is in good health. She seems to be adjusting to being inside very well. She is lying on top of my records and cleaning herself as I write this. I am on my way soon to go get her a flea collar and maybe a toy. I have food, a bed, and a litterbox all set up here in the study. She seems to be in pretty good health and is not scratching constantly so I imagine she does not have a ton of fleas etc... In addition she is also not skinny enough to indicate worms or anything of that nature. With a little luck I will be able to see a stool sample soon and judge from there. I know that it is kind of gross. Sorry. Back to sleep. She knows she has a home. She is happy.
Last night I watched the film "Suspiria". This is a horror film and Ryan says it is his favorite of all time. It truly is an excellent film. Most horror films can be very boring visually speaking (other than the blood and guts of course), Suspiria was a beautiful film to watch. All of the shots were very interesting and the directing was excellent. It was directed by Dario Argento. If you have any questions about the man, I recommend contacting Ryan. He will certainly be able to give much more insight into his background and work.

I am trying to come up with an entertaining story to write about today. I have yet to find one which catches my fancy. I have just decided that whatever story I choose will be related to Fredericksburg, VA. That is all I have figured out. Perhaps it will be related to drinking, or rednecks. You will have to wait, won't you.


Every time I get out of an interview, I chuckle to myself about the many ways I could have answered the questions. I have often thought of going on some interviews for jobs I have no interest in, just to answer their questions in the most amusing least appropriate ways possible. The following is an imaginary transcript of one of these interviews.

(I) -Interviewer
(S) -Scott

(I) [Shaking Hands]How are you today Mr. Wise?
(S) I am doing well. I have been out of the institution since last thursday and I am feeling much better now. Please call me Frenchie.

(I) Why Frenchie? Are you from France?
(S) No I just really like to dress up like the Frenchie character from "Grease". Does this company have a dress code?

(I) Our dress code here is business casual. What do you mean by "The Institution"?
(S) Oh, I used to really enjoy hurting myself and others. Much better now though. Would I be able to wear a poodle skirt?

(I) I guess that would be acceptable attire. We do not discriminate here. So why are you interested in this position?
(S) Well, I really need the money and I figured this job might pay pretty well. I wouldn't really say that I am interested in this position, I just really want the money. No one else has really been calling me back, so when you called I figured why not. What position am I interviewing for anyway?

(I) You are interviewing for the Graphic Designer position.
(S) What's the pay like for something like that?

(I) We generally do not discuss salary so early in the interviewing process. What qualifications do you have for this position?
(S) Well, I like to listen to music, read books, and watch movies. Pornography mostly.

(I) What kind of computer experience do you have?
(S) I had an Apple IIC in 1986 and I had an Atari 2600 a couple of years before that. I got angry and broke them both though.

(I) You do realize that this position does involve working with computers correct?
(S) Of course I do. I am prepared to learn. Oh I also can program my VCR to record my 'Soaps'.

(I) Where do you work currently?
(S) I am currently unemployed. That would be why I am here talking to you. Do you watch "Days of Our Lives"?

(I) I generally do not watch very much television. What was the last job you held?
(S) I've never really had a job. I once fucked my Aunt while my Uncle watched and masturbated though. He gave me 20 bucks for it too. I guess that's what you mean huh?

(I) Sort of. So you have never had a job?
(S) Other than having sex with my Aunt, No. Now that I think about it, we actually have done that quite a few times. Do you think I should put that on my resume?

(I) That would be really be up to you. Well, your resume says you went to Mary Washington College and graduated in 1997. What did you study?
(S) Well I never really went to Mary Washington. I had some friends that did though and I hung around there for a couple of months. They studied lots of things I guess. As far as you should be concerned I studied whatever they did.

(I) What did they study?
(S) What's this job doing again?

(I) Graphic Designer.
(S) They studied that then.

(I) Do you have any special skills?
(S) My doctor said that I probably masturbate more than anyone else she has ever counseled. Sometimes as much as 7 or 8 times a day. I think about my doctor when I do it, I like to think of it as part of my therapy. After all, we are spending time together. Do have a space designated where I would be able to masturbate?

(I) Not at this time. This position requires a criminal background check. Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
(S) I generally run really fast and never get caught. I was once brought up on some charges though. I was aquitted.

(I) What kinds of charges?
(S) Bestiality. Come on, are you telling me you have never been brought up an any charges?

(I) No I have never been brought up on any charges. Do you have any special training that we should know about?
(S) I can use the bathroom by myself. I only need my ass wiped for me maybe 2 out of 5 times nowadays. Would someone be assigned to me to help me when I need it?

(I) I don't think we have anyone qualified to assist you with that sort of thing. Well Frenchie those are all the questions I have. Do you have any questions?
(S) Just a few. What are my chances of getting this job?

(I) We have many other applicants, and you are the first person we have interviewed, so its hard to say.
(S) Can I have the other applicants' names and addresses? I figure I can better my chances if I kill or maim a couple of them.

(I) We are unable to give out that information.
(S) How about your address then?

(I) I'm sorry but I cannot give out that information either.
(S) That's OK, I already followed you home last night. I guess that's all the questions I have. Thanks for your time.

At this point I would run out of the building laughing maniacally.
Back from my interview. I had 2 more interviews today with that Insurance Company. One with the HR dude and 1 with the department heads. That brings my total to 3 interviews with a total of 5 people (2 panel interviews) and 3 tests in reference to trying to get this job. They said they would be making their decision within 2 weeks. I wanted to jump up on the table and scream "Most companies decide within 3-4 days after your second interview. What more do you want from me? Blood?" Of course in reality they will want urine for their drug test. The worst part is that I really want the fucking job. If I did not care it would not be so bad but I fucking want it. I am confident that everything has gone really well I just need to know dammit. Tell me something ya fucks. In actuality they received my resume on July 31. I have been at this shit with them for almost 7 weeks.

In other news, I am pissed off.
Since changing my URL and the blog's name I have not had a single porn search. Thank God.

Sitting around and doing nothing. Getting nervous about my interview. I will write more later when the weight of the interview is off my mind. Perhaps I will tell another embarrassing story in fact here you go.....

From June 1998-June 2000 I lived in Arlington with Corey and Kristy. This one time Kristy was hanging out with some friends and Corey and I were sitting around doing nothing. We decided to go out somewhere which prompted me to need to change my clothes. I was then naked. I used to thoroughly enjoy exposing myself, so I began running around the apartment naked with Corey watching and laughing (also shaking his head at my jack-assery). I then began jumping up and down as high as I could (completely naked). In the hallway outside of our bedrooms the ceiling dipped about 18" lower than the rest of the apartment. I jumped up and immediately hit my head really hard on this part of the ceiling. I promptly fell to the ground holding my head and moaning in pain. Fortunately Corey, always handy with a camera, was able to get a picture of me completely naked, in the fetal position, holding my head. This story is completely true and you can ask him about it. Corey I bet you still have the picture and would greatly appreciate it if you did not post it.

Please keep in mind I do not do anything like this anymore and only post these stories for the amusement of you, my loyal readers.



I just noticed that Are You Wearing A Wire? made the Blogs of Note. Congratulations to Bob Nanna and the rest of those Hey Mercedes guys. I just read their updated tour dates and they are actually coming to Richmond. Burning Airlines and a couple of other bands are on the same bill. Should be a great show. Nothing new here. I have decided to record "Evil Dead" and "Dawn of the Dead", which I am doing right now.

Spent a lot of time thinking about my interview tommorrow. Thomas advised me that now is definitely the time to inquire about salary, as I am looking at other companies (well one other company, but I know what they pay). This job is more interesting to me, so I am inclined to go with this one if it is offered. The position is a lot of work so the money needs to be there or it is not worth my effort. I have a general idea of where I think the range is and I am satisfied with that, if I am correct of course.
A question: How many of you have vomitted on yourselves while driving?
SUBQUESTION: If not on yourselves perhaps in a plastic bag or on the floor, the passenger seat perhaps?

I have vomitted whist driving numerous times. Mainly into a plastic bag I almost always kept next to me for these purposes. Once I did not have a plastic bag. I was 20 miles from my parents house, this was 3 years ago and I was staying with them for a while. I had to drive 20 miles covered in my own vomit. Speeding of course and dreading a cop puulling me over. It is hard to convince an officer you have not been drinking when you are covered in your own vomit and so embarrassed you are almost crying. I was not pulled over and finally made it to my parents house. I parked the car and was in such a hurry I left it in gear and forgot to pull the emergency break. As the car began rolling backwards the door was still open. The door hit the rear tail-light on my neighbors car, breaking that, and messed up the paint. I stopped the car and went inside to tell my parents what had happened. They of course began yelling at me for my "stupidity". My Dad and I then had to go over and tell my neighbor what had happened (minus the vomit part-thankfully) and he said he would go get an estimate for the damages and we would pay for it. The damages were almost $300. I was broke at the time and my parents had to pay for it. It was not a good time.

I almost got sick while driving just a little while ago. I made sure I didn't. I can't afford to mess up someone else's car. In retrospect I should have gone to my neighbors door covered in my own vomit. I could have told him what happened and then vomitted on him as well. It could have set up a chain reaction like in "Stand By Me" (Remember the overweight kid at the pie-eating contest.). I will go and sit down now. Don't get sick while driving folks. It can cost you more than a new shirt.
Finished watching Dawn of the Dead. It was damn good. I recommend it. There is this awesome Hare Krishna Zombie in the movie. He has a tambourine and everything. Amazingly the glazed look on his face is not unlike the looks that real Krishnas get on their face when they get worked up chanting The Japa (the Hare Krishna chant). Kind of amusing.

As I booted up my computer, just now, there was a car accident outside of my building. I am going to look and see if the cops are here. I am back--No Cops.
The strangest thing just happened. I got a phone call from that company I interviewed with on August 28th. They want me to come in for a second interview tommorrow. The guy that was a jerk to me was really nice and apologetic to me this time. He told me that my first interview went "real well". He explained that he was out of town and that is why it took him so long to get back to me. This job is definitely cool though. I know it pays more than the other job and has better benefits. Unfortunately the job I interviewed for yesterday does not in reality pay that well. I will see what happens. I am just excited that for the first time in my life I am getting multiple interviews. I feel wanted and needed. I am going to march right in there tommorrow and hug both of my interviewers and say "Thank You For Liking Me!". I will follow this up with a kiss on the cheek and hopefully exchanging "I love you's." Perhaps I will get some Valentine's Day cards complete with cartoon charcters (Pokemon or Garfield) and fill one out for each staff member. I will wear a french maid's outfit and deliver each card to the recipient. Perhaps I will rig up some wires so I can float from cubicle to cubicle like "Peter Pan" while singing Stevie Wonder's "I just Called To Say I Love You". The workers will applaude my efforts and thank me for brightening their day. They will beg me to work for their company, and demand I wear a similar outfit to work everyday. I will be adored. I will be whole again.
I realize that the only reason that I dislike being unemployed is that I am not making any money. I do not like work, in fact I can't friggin' stand it. If only there was a way to make money without doing anything. I recently heard about this guy that Kim used to work with who has not had a job since March. He supports himself by selling stuff on Ebay. Granted he is in his mid-late thirties and still lives with his Mom, but still. If anyone has any suggestions of how I could make some money without actually working, please email me with the information.

What I am going to do today:
1. Finish watching "Dawn of the Dead"
2. Eat Breakfast and then lunch.
3. Study.
4. Surf the web.

I am starting to get really bored. I would take up a hobby, but they all seem to cost money which I would rather not spend.


Thanks to Corey, I was able to set up some re-directing action from C.A.B. over to here. Isn't it so very exciting. We did laundry tonight and then ate dinner. Something I ate today disagreed with me and then I spent almost an hour after dinner in the bathroom. This is my night so far. Today was fun at the park. I saw some fish and some turtles. I read a chapter in my A+ book. I can only stand 1 chapter a day. If I try and read more than that my brain locks up. Many would say that my brain is locked up constantly. They are probably correct. I am going to go do something else now. With a little luck I will be able to stay out of the bathroom.
The URL has made the big switch.

Wrote a long post and accidently deleted it. You will all have to go without, and imagine the secrets of the world that I had revealed.
Still feelin' kind of crappy. It looks (and sounds) as though my landlord has finally decided to send someone out to cut our front lawn. It really is not a lawn (more like a small collection of weeds) and has never been trimmed since we've lived here. I have decided that I amgoing to go the park and study for my A+ exams. There are far less distractions at the park, i.e. no DVD Player. I think I am going to go to Maymont, this really beautiful park here. They also have some animals which I will surely take a study break to go and look at. Otters. Bears. Owls. Fish. Ducks. Goats. Sheep.

Another Reminder: This URL will cease to exist as of tonight. The new URL will be http://vulgarpicture.blogspot.com
Ah, it is another day here in Richmond. I fell like absolute crap. I have a giant sinus headache, a cough, and genaeally all around sickly feeling. I am whining, I know it, and I do not care. I watched a bunch of the extra crap from Superman Special Edition DVD this morning. There are 3 making of ... documentaries. They are excellent but kind of depressing. They interview Christopher Reeve and it really sucks to see him in his wheelchair. One of the most terrifying thoughts to me is paralysis, I definitely give the man credit for his strength and courage. There is nothing else going on here. I think I will go rent some movies and do nothing.


Thanks to everyone complimenting the "new look" of my blog. Even though I am much happier with it, its still nice to hear that others like it better as well.
The interview went pretty well. The company is really small with a lot of room for growth. The lady said they woulkd be calling people back for second interviews early next week. At the end she said "Well I'll be calling you next week and we'll go from there." Judging from this comment I think that I will probably get a second interview. The only kind of sucky thing is that the position will be starting off as part-time, but will soon become full-time. At the same time this will be cool because it will give me plenty of time to study for my A+ exams. The company also wants to do a lot of new stuff with their computers (setting up a LAN etc...) and the woman seemed impressed that I was getting my A+ and glad that I would be willing to help with this sort of thing. It would be really good experience for me as well. Like I said the company is really small, in case you did not guess by their lack of computer network. The high-end of the salary range is about what I am looking for. I will be happy with the middle of the salary range in question and would consider the low end just for the experience. The position would be a great place for me to build up my computer skills. Until later....

Don't forget my URL will be changing TOMMORROW NIGHT. (http://vulgarpicture.blogspot.com)
Getting ready for the interview and feeling pretty damn nervous.
Ok so I am a member of "The Indieblogs Webring" and have been visiting other people's sites through the links members are required to keep on their pages. When using my old design I removed the previous and the next links. Indieblogs sent me an email telling me to put these links back in, so I did yesterday. I have been to a lot of other people's sites recently and a lot of them do not have even a mention of Indieblogs much less a link. Why the hell are these people still a part of the webring. The ring is free and you can be a member as long as you use their code. If I had to do it (add the entire code) then you bastards do too. Put the code in now dammit.
I am nervous about my interview today. I am pretty sick of being unemployed and I want the interview to go really well. I am going to formulate all my answeres to the basic questions ahead of time, so I will not stumble all over myself and look like an idiot in the process. I looked through yesterday's classifieds this morning and can safely say that there was not very much in there. Probably 5 jobs I am going to send out resumes for. Better than nothing though, there have been weeks like that as well. My interview is at One and I will give everyone full details after that, at least I got a decent vibe from this company, they did not ask me 10 questions right of the bat when I answered the telephone, they just asked me to come in for an interview. I like that aspect of things anyway, and the job is pretty cool. Standard Admin. stuff but at least it isn't customer service.


Got me the new Charlie Hunter today, it does not come out until 9-21 (I got a promo copy [for $9] w/ full artwork etc...). Featuring two tracks with Mos Def. The album is great. I am making Jerk Seitan for dinner----it will be good. A vegan version of Jerk Chicken (A Traditional Jamaican dish-for those of you who do not know). If anyone would like the recipe.... Kim is baking up some Banana Muffins, which smell excellent. Kim just referred to them as Bob Nanna muffins.
Sportin' an entirely new look, and pretty damn proud of it.
Desolation Row which is the name of one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs is not in existence as a blog, but does exist as a Dylan fansite, and I have thus decided against using it. My blog will now be named after a Smiths song: 'Paint A Vulgar Picture'. Many of the servers at people's work-places are set to pick up words like ass and bitch, in the interest of easier access for my readers and avoiding any contact with the kinds of trash who search for words like ass and bitch on Google, the URL will also be changing. Effective Tuesday night the URL will be changing to http://vulgarpicture.blogspot.com. Any questions or comments please feel free to email. Please note that the full name of the blog is Paint A Vulgar Picture, not just Vulgar Picture, the URL was shortened for ease of navigation purposes.

If anyone is interested you can find the lyrics to "Paint A Vulgar Picture", right here.
As I have become incredibly sick of the amount of porn-related searches bringing people to my site here, I am going to change the name of Cracker-Ass Bitch. At this time it looks like the new name of my blog will be "Desolation Row". I will keep everyone posted as to when the URL will switch over. It should be sometime this week.
I am up very early on this fine Sunday morning. I have been attempting to fight off a sinus infection for 2 days and while winning that battle the cold has now moved into my chest and is approaching a Bronchitis type situation-my chest hurts like hell right now. The problem with Virginia is that there always seems to be a major temperature changes (i.e. 87 degrees one day and 66 the next). This always messes up my body's immune system. The fluctuations in temperature always cause me to get sick. I need to go begin treating myself as if I have bronchitis in an effort to hopefully stop myself from developing actual bronchitis. If anyone else out there has developed a cold as a result of the recent changes in the weather, good luck getting better.

Porn Searches (and other amuzing searches):
1. Yo Bitch Where's My Job?
2. Tattoos On Ass
3. Requiem For A Dream Anal Sex
4. Prep Bitch
5. Very Hairy Ass
6. Bitch Getting Fucked In Ass


I am in a pissy mood. Kim and I just attempted to play Monopoly. I like quick board games. We had to stop playing because I was very bored and antsy. Oh well. Chutes and Ladders now there's a game. Basically I am saying that I have the attention span of a 5 year old. Time to go do nothing. Maybe I will watch "The Exorcist".

Porn Searches:
1. Shoving Food Ass
2. Chineses Beads In Her Ass
I think this is exactly what happened. mecawilson

I refuse to discuss the tragedy any longer, however what I would like to discuss is the way in which televangelists seemingly enjoy using trajedies as a way to obtain higher ratings, and lash out against those whose lifestyles they disagree with. Despite their belief, God is not giving us what we deserve for not having the proper morals. You may believe that God has turned against America, well genteleman America is turning against you. It is you Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell who have the improper morals. You are both money hungry and filled with hatred. If you were true Christians you would give more of your "hard-earned" money to charity and those who need it instead of building luxorious mansions and driving fancy automobiles. If asked, I am sure you would say that God told them to build those houses and drive thoser cars. He didn't. That was their greed talking to them, and their lack of reality convincing them that the voices they hear make them prophets as oppossed to individuals in need of medical attention. I am confident that their ministries will crumble like the Towers of Babylon. They will deserve it. Being a minister or going to church does not make you a Christian. Treating your fellow human beings with respect and kindness and living a non-selfish lifestyle are two of the characteristics most people I consider Christians hold. People like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell do not deserve the title Reverend. A reverend is someone who leads by example. I hope that none of the members of their congregation follow their lead. God is everywhere and is all knowing. God has seen the things they have done and heard the things they have said. In my idea of Heaven there is no placed for individuals such as these two. Even though I do not go to Church, I am a Christian whereas these gentleman are glorified con-artists. Just because you have a following does not make you pious. Hitler also had a following.

In other news I have a job interview on Monday. At least I feel wanted. We have also had to surrender one of our lizards. Holden (the male-as if the name weren't obvious enough) became very agressive and violent. Now there is only Phoebe. It is better this way.


It appears that the SUV story has been retracted. I take back my statement of SUV usefulness. Two firemen did walk out but it looks like the rest was misinformation.
For Kim's reflections on the attacks please visit her site. As usual her opinions are well thought out and concise. Hey I'm in need of a link you say, well here ya go....... Stay Gold Ponyboy.

Time for more of that fun, fun, fun A+ for me. Soon you will be able to come to me with all of your Computer Hardware Issues. On second thought, probably not.
I just had three great Thrift-Store Finds. Two posters still wrapped. $.75 each. The first is a vintage "Superman The Movie" poster, showcasing stills from the film. The second is a Mork poster, as in "Mork and Mindy"--It shows Robin Williams and says Nano-Nano over his head. Love those suspenders. Both posters are in mint condition. The third find is a camoflage t-shirt in like new condition for $3. I love them Thrift Stores. Yippy-Skippy.
Though I spend a lot of time complaining about SUVs They have finally served an important use, other than making Soccer Moms feel powerful of course. Five firefighters climbed into one as one of the World Trade Center Towers collapsed. They are all ALIVE. Two of the Firefighters have WALKED OUT. The other three need assistance but will be brought out soon, while one of the rescue dogs has found other signs of life. All of the firefighters are now out according to CNN. In news hitting close to home, the building that is currently being used as a morgue and is in severe danger of collapsing is the same building that my Mother used to work in. Thankfully she has long since retired.
11 AM is a good time to run errands. It is before lunch-time and well after rush-hour. I bought tofu at Ellwood-Thompsons, Ramen at Ukrops, then I bought brocolli, chick peas, and Mountain Dew (I had to buy regular they only had the Diet/Caffeine Free-they were out of the Diet with caffeine) at Kroger. All 3 grocery stores are within a block of one another. The strangest thing is that all 3 stores make a lot of money. Ellwood-Thompsons has the Health Food niche, Ukrop's is for the yuppies, and Kroger is for everyone. I found out last night that my yearly trip to Busch Gardens will be on October 20th-----Oh Yeah!!!!! Kim, Thomas, and I get to go for free because We still have a friend who works there. Thank you Ryan A. !!!! I am Hyper on Mountain Dew. I am shaking. Time to go study some A+.

Porn searches:

1. Picture Of Jordans Ass (Is this Michael Jordan, Jordan from The New Kids On The Block, or another Jordan entirely?)
2. Hairy Ass
3. Hairy Ass Cracker
4. Nice Ass Bitch
5. Led Zepelin (Though Technically not porn-related and find it equally as disgusting. The band was not mentioned in a postive light in my archives, I assure you.)
Thankfully, The Nation has finally began lending coverage to Tuesday's attacks. The Nation's coverage tends to be excellent albeit often quite critical of the American government, sometimes rightfully so, sometimes not. Here are some links to some archived articles:

September 21, 1998 "Talks With Osama bin Laden"---Some insight into the man's beliefs and background.

February 15, 1999 "The Cost of an Afghan 'Victory'"---Includes the Afghanistani government's decision to not allow bin Laden to be brought into US custody, and lots of background regarding US policy towards Afghanistan.


Fortunately there is very little I have to say regarding yesterday's attacks. As time passes it appears as though group(s) connected with Osama bin Laden are indeed responsible, not surprising, I merely wish that everyone hadn't jumped the gun. I just got back from Barnes and Noble, where I purchased "A+ Certification for Dummies"--I want to get my A+ before the MCSE, plus it is a good primer. On the way to the store I was listening to NPR who stated that currently knives with blades less than 4" are allowed on airplanes. This shed some light on how the hijackers were able to carry box-cutters and knives on board. As I stated yesterday our security measures are way below par. I do not blame the airlines but I wish that stricter regulations had been in place. I will write more tommorrow on this subject. Good night all, I hope everyone (including myself) sleeps better tonight than last night.
Scott has spent the afternoon studying for his MCSE. Scott's brain is on overload. We will now return to our regularly scheduled program.
It appears that US Intelligance intercepted Phone Calls yesterday regarding 2 targets being hit. The calls were made to members of groups associated with Osama bin Lauden. The article is on CNN.com right here. It is looking as though he might be the responsible party. Again, everyone please remember that whoever is guilty, please do not act out against innocent people in your communities. As stated earlier seeking justice is the government's duty and responsibility. Acts of ignorance will only succeed in making you look ignorant, not bring about justice.
I have read some pretty frightening statistics regarding the Death Toll as a result of yesterdays tragedies. In all honesty my heart goes out to the friends and familes of those injured or killed in the attacks. Unfortunately I have also discovered some pretty scary posts of the "Bomb The Hell Out Of 'Em" variety. One guy said he was at a bar and some guys left with weapons intending to seek out retribution. Of course all air traffic was shut down and the people responsible more than likely do not live anywhere one could drive too, i.e. any acts of "retribution" are not in fact retribution but a hate crime. There is a difference.

Following up on this mentality are some of the Nation's "Shock Jocks". While I have not listened to Howard Stern since I was in High School, I have been informed that he (as well as many others) has completely adopted the "Bomb the Bastards" attitude. First of all CNN was indicating that new evidence points to Osama bin Laden. I just went back to CNN's site and that article appears to have been PULLED. I am not sure what is behind the article's removal. Let us say for a moment that bin Laden is responsible. He is currently thought to be in Afghanistan. Why should we bomb Afghanistan? All that would accomplish would be the murdering of thousands of innocent people the same as America experienced yesterday. The guilty might be killed as well, but at what price?

The other burst of brilliance I have encountered today (all sarcasm) is "Bomb the Palestinians". This statement is ridiculous because bombing Palestinian settlements is actually the same as bombing Israel. The Israeli Lobby is the most powerful international lobby operating in the United States, we will not (and as far as I am concerned) should not bomb any Palestinian settlements. Were there celebrations in what accounts for "Palestine"? Yes, there were. Should they be killed for celebrating? I strongly doubt it-celebrating is not a crime. The reason that the Palestinians and individuals such as Osama bin Laden are angry with the US, and take pleasure in seeing the US attacked, involves the United States involvement in the creation of Israel in 1947. Israel was set up on land that was, at the very least, partially belonging to the Palestinians. The US was instrumental in Israel's creation and the Palestinians are angry at the US as a result. They feel that their land was taken and given to people who they are theologically and idealogically oppossed to as a result of crimes they did not commit (i.e. the Holocaust). Palestine no longer exists, that is why the Palestinians are angry with the US and Israel. As near as I know it is difficult to bomb someplace that truly does not really exist. If we were to bomb the Palestinians we would either injure or kill thousands of Israeli citizens, and many Palestinians, who would technically be as innocent as the people in the World Trade Center and The Pentagon. Not a sensible solution. The Palestinians have been waging war on Israel itself for 54 years, and they hold us accountable as well for their loss of land. Are they now at war with us? Maybe--if this is indeed an attack carried out by a Palestinian Terrorist Group. The removal of the bin Laden article from CNN has certainly prompted me to wonder even more about the validity of the initial claims as to his or other Palestinian involvement. When all the intelligence information is in. I am confident that a swift and thorough assault will be directing at those guilty of the crimes. Our government is in place to defend us in situations such as these, and we all need to trust the government on this one. They are as eager for justice as the American public is, and they have the means to carry out this justice in the most effective manner possible with little to no loss of innocent lives.


Bob Dylan is coming to DC. I was very excited to hear this until I saw the "Convenience Charge" Ticketmaster is adding to the tickets. They are applying a charge of $8.35/ticket on top of $35/ticket. I always pick my tickets up at the Box Office and I cannot see how they are performing $16.70 worth of work to do this--they print the tickets, put them in an envelope, and put the envelop in a file-----Big Fucking Deal. You are not able to purchase the tickets from the MCI Center directly as their box office is just a Ticketmaster outlet. Kim and I have decided that we will not be attending this event. A 25% Service Charge is absolutely ridiculous. In other related Bob Dylan news, his new record came out today. I purchased the "Limited Edition" which is available everywhere and does not seem to be very "Limited". The album is really good. Along the same lines as "Time Out Of Mind". The Bonus disk includes 1 unreleased track and an alternate version of "The Times They Are A Changin'" They are both good, I must admit that I am glad that the "Limited Edition" CD only cost $2 more, because it is not really all that special. Oh Well, still a nice little collection of new songs and a couple of very old ones.
To cheer everyone up a bit, today was a very big day for CAB. Hey there's a major disaster--I should look up porn. Let's have a look at today's results shall we:

1. Rap and Rock Music Involving Sex and Drugs
2. Tattoo On Her Ass
3. Free Thin Waste Big Ass Pictures (Waste is actually W-A-I-S-T. Jackass.)
4. Pale Girls Getting Fucked
5. Small Waiste Big Ass (Still Got it wrong. Still a jackass. Still no pictures.)
6. Sexy Ass
7. Biggest Breats (I think you mean B_R_E_A_S_T_S, as in Mammary Glands. What the fuck is a breat? Jackass.)

Today also brought 5 more Chipendales related hits. Thank you ladies.
Though I realize that news channels are in place to give people the news in a somewhat entertaining fashion, sometimes I find their melodrama and use of cliches a bit stale. In times like these all I really want to know are the facts, we are incredibly upset by these attacks, the melodrama only makes these incidents seem like a movie. Unfortunately they are very real. Today was the first day in a very long time that I cried. The mere thought of the lives lost was enough to bring me to tears and then vomitting. We do not have television reception and I was on the phone with my Mother and Father when the First World Trade Center Tower collapsed. The feeling of hundreds perhaps even thousands of people dying in those moments--unbelievable.

Many of the newscasters on the radio and websites have repeated countless times how unexpected an attack like this was. I must disagree. The United States has been a victim of terrorist attacks in the past and will continue to be a victim. Unfortunately our airport security is considerably more lax than the nations of Europe and The Middle East, and we are in the eye's of many Terrorist Organizations "The Great Satan" (to use the Ayatollah Khomeni's Terminology). It is not the least bit surprising that we were targeted for such an attack, it is only surprising that we do not have adeqaute security measures in place to prevent instances such as occurred this morning. The United States Foreign Policy towards the Middle East has been a source of great controversey since 1947 when the state of Israel was created, and before then to a degree--taking into account the Oil Industry's activities in the early Twentieth Century. I sincerely hope that at the very least we can learn that though we are the most powerful nation on the planet we are not immune to terrorism and certainly not universally liked. Perhaps our Government will take the time to instate stricter security measures at airports etc... Please note that I am not blaming the government or the airlines in any way for these events merely stating that incidents such as these are to some degree preventable. Israel has some of the strictest airport secuity measures of any airport in the world to prevent instances such as these. What I am saying is that Policies closer to theirs should be instated here.

I would also like to thank Corey and Ryan for doing a great job of keeping up as events unfolded this morning and afternoon. The following is a post I made to Corey's blog in reference to the possibility of Anti-Arab attacks in communities around this country.

"When I worked at Applebee's this dude who worked there once called my friend Ali (He was from Iran--technically Persian, not of Arabian Descent) a Sand-Ni**er, unfortunately I have heard many others use words like this within recent times. I must admit I fear the worst as Anti-Arab sentiment still seems prevalent.

When people feel threatened they often lash out with misdirected physical violence. Let us please hope and pray that further innocent people are not harmed as a result of the actions of a small minority whose ethnic origin has yet to be officially determined. At this time, no Arab group has officially claimed responsibility, everything is still heresay, though admitedly evidence seems to point in a militant-Middle Eastern Group's direction. Just because Arab leaders have condoned the actions to a degree, and Palestinians have celebrated the events--does not mean all Arab's are Terrorists. Regretfully, many well-educated people still fell that all Arab's are indeed guilty of terrorist crimes. I assure you they are not, in fact the people of Middle-Eatern descent I have had the pleasure of calling friend, are kinder and better friends than many of the "white" people I have known. If anyone reading this desires to act out their own form of retribution, I beg you to reconsider."


While making my way through the blogs of various friends today, I discovered there is a new addition to Corey's household. If you enjoy pictures of adorable puppies please visit his site.

I helped my parents install their microwave today. They have one of those microwaves that is mounted above the stove and is attached to the wall/cupboard. A very big pain in the ass. My Dad is not a very healthy guy and really does not want to admit that he cannot do the things that he used to be able to do. Finally I just had to tell him to go sit down and stay the hell out of my way so I could mount this fucking 70 pound appliance on the wall. I think that a thunderstorm is on the horizon. I just heard thunder---it gave me a hint. I will be going now. As they say in Puerto Rico, um----Later.


Porn searches from the latter part of today, The Lord's Day:

1. "Ass Auction"
2. "Ad Toilet Reading Sitting Girl" (Not definitely constituting pornography, but highly amuzing)
3. "Bitch with Bike"
We had vegan "Fettucine Alfredo" for dinner. Yummy. I took this Pata Primavera recipe from The Tofu Cookery and modified it. Listening to Dexter Gordon and loving life. I finished Clive Barker's "The Damnation Game" and enjoyed it. As Horror writers go, Stephen King is still tops on my list. He is the master of suspense. Clive Brker seems to let you know what is about to happen and instead of building it up, it happens and is very bloody and disgusting. I started reading "Get Shorty" today. I really like Elmore Loeonard's style. Time to go watch Honky Tonk man starring this guy. Until next time...
A very strange regardless and possibly unbelievably disturbing search, depending on the searchers motives: "girl 10 first time story mother neighbor asian site". I sincerely hope this person was not searching for pornography matching these words. If this is what you are searching for, I hope that:

a. You did not find it
b. If you continue to run searches like this you are going to get caught rather quickly.

Please disregard any assumptions I have made if this is a search for a book or film (non-porn related).

In my life, other than being pretty taken back by this search, everything is fine. I am going to be lazy today. No different than any other day really.


Went down to Williamsburg today. It was cool. My Mom added me to her Costco membership, now I can shop freely at the Costco here. That is about all. My life is mellow and kind of boring right now. I am content. Spaghetti for dinner----real soon. Gonna watch Honky Tonk Man starring Clint Eastwood and drink some alcohol, probably some cheap ass wine I bought a while ago. Not yummy---but sort of.

Today's top porn related search on Google------"hot sex fuck bitch shit ass" Awesome. This guy (or girl) knows what they want. Sort of.


Just got back from the West End. Christ that place is crazy. I went to Soundhole, a very cool Punk/Hardcore/Metal record store. The owner is this dude Greg who is really into Jazz, and as a result sells some of it. I got Stevie Wonder's "Songs in the Key of Life", the remastered 2000 edition for $12 used. I was also going to buy Dexter Gordon's "A Swingin' Affair" but Greg decided that it was too scratched up to sell (it was his old fucked up copy) and gave it to me. I think it is in descent shape, not great but definitely playable. I am very happy as a result of my purchases/freebie. Spending money always makes me feel better--I got it from my Mom. At least we both (My Mom and I) like to spend small amounts of money as oppossed to going to Bloomingdales.

I am reminded of a story: I used to play Stevie Wonder when I worked at Sam Goody in Fredericksburg. I used to go through periods where all I would play in the store were R&B and Jazz artists. A woman once called my District Manager (a troll-like woman named Nita who had the biggest most disgusting breats ever--they stopped at her waiste-line) stating that all we ever played was "Rock". When the woman complained about the music in the store, I was listening to Snapcase at the time, I told her that we did play other things and she got really pissed and asked for my Nita's phone number. It turned out that this woman was forever pissed at our store because she once tried to pick up my manager, Chrissy at Spirits (A Fredericksburg Bar) and was rather curtly dismissed. Chrissy did not like women in a sexual way.
I am awake again. Another day of sitting here and staring at the walls. I am going to watch The Exorcist for the umpteenth time now. I need a hobby. Perhaps I will take up sculpting or checkers, either one I don't care.


Denzel and Donovan----Two great tastes that taste great together.

I just got done watching "The Hurricane" starring my favorite sexy man Denzel. MMMMMMMM-HHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM. Just kidding but the movie was excellent and not just because of the Bob Dylan song which is used in the film. Speaking of Mr. Dylan, he has a new album coming out on Tuesday. He has a little pencil thin dirt mustache now. What a poor fashion choice. Though he has made many bad fashion choices in the past, I wonder why he has yet to learn his lesson. The last time he looked good was on his 1966 English tour----crazy hair, drainpipe trousers, sports jacket---totally mod. He has enough money to hire some sort of fashion consultant. I saw him in 1997 and he was wearing this western style turqoise suit with tons of sequins and lamee. I know he is technically past the age of 60 and elligible to become a member of AARP but come on. I don't mean to say that at various points he has not looked decent since '66, that is just the last time I feel he actually looked good. Especially good in the scene in "Don't Look Back" where he is fucked up on speed and being a complete asshole to Donovan. Who says drugs don't make for quality entertainment?
I just received an email from Ryan informing me that his dog's name was Bosco. My goal is not to upset people by bringing up the memories of pets, and forcing my readers to think of those pets in bestiality-type situations. Instead I prefer for all of my readers to think of "Bosco" as having their own name. For example if your name were Ryan then the pony's name in my story from earlier today would be Ryan. I hope this alleviates any stress I may have unknowingly caused. Good luck to all and may the rest of your day be filled with images of Barbara and her "friends". If this should offend anyone please give the pony my name---Scott. Then you will hopefully have images of me in a pony costume having sex with a lonely divorcee. That is hot!
First off, it appears that Grand Royal went belly-up. As of today they have closed their doors. I think the idea behind the label was excellent however other than At The Drive In I cannot say that I really liked any of the bands. Looks like the Beastie Boys will have to go back to being musicians. Wait a minute---that's what they should have been doing all along.

Second I got another call about a job today. I feel like I can never say anything right when I talk to these HR people. I know I am not a fucking idiot but I end up feeling like one any time I speak with these people. I feel like all my answers are not what they are looking for. I am to the point where I feel like all I am technically qualified to do is pick up dog shit. The woman asked me about my computer experience (and they still might call me---I lied a bunch and am currently being very pessimistic), first Word (which I know), Excel (which I know), Powerpoint (Iied and told her I knew) and then she asked about Access. All I could say wads that I am planning on learning it and have worked with programs written in Access (which is true). Unfortunately I can only lie so much before I start telling the truth. The position I think she was calling in reference to is not even that complex or computer related. Fuck me. Soon I think you are going to have to prove to all HR people that you can build your own computer before you can get an interview. At least they are calling me. Better than it could be.
Bob Nanna finally updated Are You Wearing a Wire? I have been waiting. Dammit Bob you have unemployed people living vicariously through you. Show some consideration next time.
I just walked to the thrift store and found....not a fucking thing. They are hiring however and I must admit the thought is slightly tempting. It would give me something to do though. I think I will just keep up my job search and work on that full-time (i.e. 3-5 hours/week). Boring fucking day. I made some coffee this morning and completely forgot about it. In addition I also forgot to turn the coffee machine off. Fortunately the machine apparently has an auto-shut off mechanism. I remembered the coffee 2 blocks away from my apartment on my return trip. The coffee maker would have been on for 4 hours at that point had it not shut itself off. I just made some excellent iced-coffee-latee (with soy milk of course) type thing with the stale coffee. Yummy. God bless "West Bend", the makers of our coffee pot. They done saved my ass. Hee haw.

Well I am up at 8 AM again today. I really do not understand why I am unemployed and in reality have no reason to get out of bed at all, and am still up at 8 every morning. It kind of sucks. I would be able to waste much more of the day by sleeping but my damn internal clock prevents me from doing such. I am going to stay off-line for most of the day in hopes that the HR is going to call (we do not have 2 phone lines and are still using dial up---its free until December). I am going to be pretty damn bored today. Oh well. More crap that you do not care about from me later.

Today's porn-related search on Yahoo------"women who love fucking animals" I hope C.A.B. was able to meet your bestiality needs. If not, maybe this will------

"Little Susie's Mom, Barbara always looked at the pony she bought as a Christmas present for Susie last year in a different light. She saw the sheen of his pelt and the size of his giant throbbing member and knew that Bosco, the name Susie had given the pony, would be able to give her what she had been missing. Barbara had been very lonely since her husband ran off with the Milkman's only son. One day while Susie was on a class field trip to a local glue factory, Barbara found herself compelled to walk down to the stable and the field were Bosco now stood grazing. The look in Bosco's eye was more than enough to tell Barbara she was going to get what she had been longing for..........."

The above passage is an original I have just composed. I think I will have it copyrighted.


I have very bad stomach problems. I vomit a lot. I do not particularly enjoy this act but well I do not really control where and when it happens. I was sick all afternoon and as a result incredibly dehydrated. When I am dehydrated my body wants to vomit even more. In exteme situations I end up in a hospital with an I.V. filled with some rehydrating liquid in my arm. Kim and I just got back from Wal-Mart. I almost vommited in the Cookie Aisle. I really wanted to puke on some fuckin' yuppie buying school supplies. That would have made for a wonderful trip to the West End. I bought some Gatorade which I am now in the process of consuming and will soon feel better hopefully. In really intense dehydration situations I drink Pedialyte. That works wonders by the way if you ever have a really bad hangover, as the dehydration is causing the discomfort.

I called the HR guy today. He was away from his desk and I left my info and reason for calling with his secretary---the same woman who administered my tests. My proctor if you will. Surprise!-----he has not called me back. My first interview was 8 days ago and I was told that someone would be contacting me early this week for a second interview. What a great way to do things. He was a dick on the phone (during my phone interview) and now he won't return my calls. I am beginning to think that I should thank them for wasting my time and call in bomb threats every day for the next two weeks.

Someone was listening to "Sweet Home Alabama" outside my window again today. Kim however is now listening to Gram Parsons which is soothing me.

I would now like to give a big old shout out to The Onion for printing this story. It is nice to know that a media entity the size of "The Onion" has shown this much respect to Strawberry Daq and his associates. You will notice that my shout out is missing from the article (read the article and you will understand) however I am confident that it will be coming very soon.

Da Daq would like to say Thank You to: God, Jesus Christ, The Holy Spirit, all the Disciples, the Virgin Mary, Joseph, Mary Magdalen, the Three Wisemen, Noah, Job, David, Goliath, Nebachadnezar and all my homies in the Good Book. In addition to this being a funny joke after you read the article, I am hoping to mention as many Biblical Characters as possible in and effort to pick up the Christian Demographic in the Google searches by which people arrive at my site.

Fear Tactics to disuade people from getting Tattoos. All this mentioned in the article is true however, as stated near the end of the article--it can easily be avoided if you go to a reputable Tattoo Parlor. In the Virginia Area please avoid Renegade and Son in Bowling Green. The work is not all that bad (not great either), but I have heard some horrible stories in reference to the healing of Tattoos done there. If you want to get a Tattoo don't believe shit like the beginning of that article just take the time to do the reserach. In addition ask lots of questions about sterilization etc... If they treat you like crap, leave and go someplace else--they might be covering up less than savory practices. It is your money and your body, you should feel comfortable and you have every right to ask any question you choose in order to feel at ease. You are paying them and you are in control. In closing I would like to say that contrary to what the article says, I do not know of any physician that will do piercings or tattoos.
I am up very early today. I am reading Clive Barker's The Damnation Game and am going to spend a bunch of time reading that today. I don't think I will be able to finish it today but I might. I also got a book on famous American ghost stories. Should be cool as well. Still no word from that job I interviewed for last week. With some luck I will hear today. If I don't hear anything by tommorrow afternoon I will call the HR guy. I was told that I would be contacted early this week, last week. I figure with the holiday and all that tommorrow is an acceptable day to "follow-up".


In my continuing desire to allow my readers to know exactly how some fellow readers arrived at C.A.B., I am going to continue to post "porn related searches" as they arrive: today's is ........

"skinny tall pale irish girls" (a bravo for your choice of ethnicity anyway)

This is the second search involving Irish girls. Incidently if the person who searched these words should read this, pale and Irish is known as being redundant. We are all pale, jackass.

Fortunately "chipendales" is still way ahead. I think that Labor Day makes women horny. Perhaps these are men looking for chipendales though. Are you looking for chipendales? If so you are in the wrong place. We only have naked Irish girls here. I must go as the sounds of Lynrd Skynrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" are drifting through my window. I am not kidding.
Not much going on here today. I ran some errands and sent out some resumes. Looked at a bunch of the pictures that Corey took at Ryan and Huyen's wedding. I got to see the faces of some folks who I have not thought of in years. Kind of cool. If you do wish to view some wedding pictures please feel free, however be advised that there are a whole lot of them. Tons actually. It made me feel like I was there, all I had to do was imagine some conversations with the folks in the pictures. Congratulations again to Ryan and Huyen. In addition I would like to say that on the Daily Ping, Ryan states that he and Huyen were dating for 7 years. So next time you feel like asking Kim and I when we will be getting married, just remember that some folks actually prefer to wait. At least I feel as though I am in good company. Well I have company anyway ; ) No more damn preasure people. I mean it too. This includes all blood relatives on both sides. Though thankfully none of them read this and yet realize the extent of my pervercity and problems.

I am going to go read now. Today is pretty damn boring.


My new favorite porn-related search is :

"irish girls getting fucked ass" (This Google search brought someone to me.) I have begun to think that I need to change my URL. This kind of makes me sick.
I am in the process of downloading Internet Exlorer 6.0. I am so excited I could burst. Today in honor of my Irish ancestors (on Labor Day) I am having a nice Irish lunch. A few potatoes and a pint of Guiness. If I was not a Vegan perhaps I would follow this up with some corned beef and cabbage. Kim just informed mw that the new toaster that we purchased at Target is in proper working order. For those of you who seem to care (noone that I know of anyway) the toaster is a Toastmaster with extra wide toasting ports. Now I can toast a bagel withouth burning it. My life is really this boring. The Guiness will help liven it up.


On Today September 2nd, someone arrived at my site here by searching the words....."hairy bitch" on Yahoo. Congratulations to all of you fetish enthusiasts. Other popular porn-related searches that brought people to my site were....

1. shoving weird stuff up ass
2. marriage and ass fucking
3. painting bitch
4. sex cracker (What the fuck is this?)
5. cracker bitch

But thankfully still way ahead in the numbers is....."chipendales". 13 visitors as a result. Thank you horny ladies for visiting my world.
Kim and I just got done watching one of the three movies I purchased at Best Buy this afternoon. The movie I just bought for $9.99 is Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I also got Spaceballs and Candyman for $9.99. All on DVD of course. Killer Klowns has a ton of extra stuff. Other than that it is a slow overcast Sunday afternoon here in Richmond. Unfortunately Best Buy is on the West End of Richmond and in order to get there you must wage war against the yuppies in their SUV's (in this case enjoying the "last weekend of summer"--which makes them even crazier). This whole Labor Day being the end of summer really does not apply South of the Mason-Dixon line as the weather stays warm until October. In the North, Fall begins soon after Labor Day while in Virginia one could easily continue to go to the beach and participate in "summer activities" most years until about October 15. So I think that everyone should just calm the fuck down. To the soccer Moms I say the following: all Labor Day means is that your little bastard kids will be out of your hair during the day come Tuesday. This will really free up your time to go and get your hair frosted, your nails done and work even harder at spending your Husband's money. Stay-at-home-Moms used to take care of their kids, not just drive them to a variety of extracurricular activities. Consider yourselves lucky.


I am currently listening to a Sly and Robbie best of Dub collection I purchased at Plan 9 in the used section (still wrapped). It is good. The one person I know in the world who would appreciate me purchasing this is at his wedding today. Congratulations to Ryan. Kim and I watched Gremlins last night. It was excellent as usual. Gizmo is one of the cutest characters. I want to hug him. I have 2 stuffed Gizmos but I still want a real live one (if they existed of course). We went to the farmer's market today. I got some sweet potatoes, some okra (for frying), and some green tomatoes (also for frying). I am a true southerner, a hick. I hate shoes. I like trailers.

Today we saw a car with some very large white vinyl letters across the back window that said "Pass Dem Dollaz". The car was driven by an 18 year old white dude, and the car itself was an early eighties Buick. I wonder if he knows these guys?

I found this add attached to amazon.com. I find it ridiculous, as I think it promotes spying on women in the hopes of seeing some skin. Click on the link and see for yourself. What does it say to you?