Zuchini, Spandex, and Clairvoyance----A journey through the depths of my idiocy.
I do not think that I can keep this a secret any longer. The new-hires around here are getting paid 15% more than I am. This company deserves to go Bankrupt. They will get theirs. The other day one of the supervisors actually said to me that he wonders how the company is still in business with all the mistakes that they make. I am glad to have that off my chest, not really.
The guy that sits across from me just came in and his new haircut makes him look like a homosexual Busta Rhymes.
Kim told me that I should talk about this. I vommitted this morning before work. I actually puked up a whole piece of zuchini. This was at 7 AM and the last time I ate zuchini was 7 PM last night. If any Zuchini growers are out there I have a new slogan for y'all-----Zuchini.....The Vegetable That Keeps On Giving
I was listening to this Dinosaur Jr. CD I got at the Thrift Store while driving to work. J. Mascis' guitar sounds awesome. It made me a happy man. I then began thinking of this kid named John Ventura who I went to high school with. He had a mullet throughout the late eighties and early nineties. It was somewhat cool back then so give the kid a break. The mullet was spiked on the top ---for those of you wondering. Anyway he used to wear a Dinosaur Jr. T-shirt all the time. He got really into grunge and immediately went out and bought a ton of flannel. He was tall, incredibly lanky, and had horrible posture. Facially, he resembled Gargamel from the Smurfs (His best friend was this kid named Eric Weiss---He had an enormous head. These 2 were quite the pair.) In the late eighties when Spandex bike shorts were very popular--he used to wear those. Turqouise ones. He was so thin that they did not fit right and were baggy. If anyone can get me a picture of what he looks like now, I will love you forever.
As I began thinking about how much of a Jackass John V. was I began thinking how much of a jackass I used to be. At Weddings etc... people want to bring up the assinine things I did. I do not want to talk about that stuff at all. In the future, I would like all of my friends to interact with me under the following premise.
The next time I meet Scott, it will be the first time I have ever met him. He knows things about me for, much like the Iron Maiden song, he is Clairvoyant. He is also able to project false memories of himself into my brain. It is very important to remember that he has not done any of those things. These images and stories are slightly amusing anectedotes that Scott has created himself and is force-feeding me.
I do not think that I can keep this a secret any longer. The new-hires around here are getting paid 15% more than I am. This company deserves to go Bankrupt. They will get theirs. The other day one of the supervisors actually said to me that he wonders how the company is still in business with all the mistakes that they make. I am glad to have that off my chest, not really.
The guy that sits across from me just came in and his new haircut makes him look like a homosexual Busta Rhymes.
Kim told me that I should talk about this. I vommitted this morning before work. I actually puked up a whole piece of zuchini. This was at 7 AM and the last time I ate zuchini was 7 PM last night. If any Zuchini growers are out there I have a new slogan for y'all-----Zuchini.....The Vegetable That Keeps On Giving
I was listening to this Dinosaur Jr. CD I got at the Thrift Store while driving to work. J. Mascis' guitar sounds awesome. It made me a happy man. I then began thinking of this kid named John Ventura who I went to high school with. He had a mullet throughout the late eighties and early nineties. It was somewhat cool back then so give the kid a break. The mullet was spiked on the top ---for those of you wondering. Anyway he used to wear a Dinosaur Jr. T-shirt all the time. He got really into grunge and immediately went out and bought a ton of flannel. He was tall, incredibly lanky, and had horrible posture. Facially, he resembled Gargamel from the Smurfs (His best friend was this kid named Eric Weiss---He had an enormous head. These 2 were quite the pair.) In the late eighties when Spandex bike shorts were very popular--he used to wear those. Turqouise ones. He was so thin that they did not fit right and were baggy. If anyone can get me a picture of what he looks like now, I will love you forever.
As I began thinking about how much of a Jackass John V. was I began thinking how much of a jackass I used to be. At Weddings etc... people want to bring up the assinine things I did. I do not want to talk about that stuff at all. In the future, I would like all of my friends to interact with me under the following premise.
The next time I meet Scott, it will be the first time I have ever met him. He knows things about me for, much like the Iron Maiden song, he is Clairvoyant. He is also able to project false memories of himself into my brain. It is very important to remember that he has not done any of those things. These images and stories are slightly amusing anectedotes that Scott has created himself and is force-feeding me.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home